It's certainly a suckish truth. Fact is, most Query Letters are very hard to write. If it came easy, I congratulate you, because you know your book like a reader does. Readers (okay, most readers) don't get caught up in every detail writers look at as vitally important. Readers only focus on the story. Which means, without being bogged down by these all important details, they have a much easier chance of answering the question, "What is the book about?"
Possibly the hardest question ever asked in the literary world. And, just our luck, it's pretty much what the Query letter is. What your character wants, how your character will get it, and the stakes if your character fails. But, as writers, we don't see our books as that simple. There is so much more, we insist, that must be said! But does it have to be said?
When I was writing the third version of my query, I realized something. I couldn't use the simple formula above, I had to tweak it a little, simply because Eric doesn't know what he wants for most of the book. Even at the climax he's not sure if he's making the right choice, if he wants to give up half of his being. And that caused some complications for me, because I felt like I needed to show everything that led up to the decision. I needed the agent to understand why things happened, even if they were small and didn't serve a final purpose. In other words, I thought every last conflict was vitally important. Which, of course, it wasn't. At least not in a query. Let me give you an example.
This was my very first Query. And while I succeeded in keeping it rather short, it lacked detail.
Dear Agent,
Eric Vilanova is evil. And, truthfully, he likes it that way. So when he dies and winds up in Heaven, he's a little pissed.
But after an innocent prank causes too much trouble, he's told he has to at least pretend to be good, or risk the wrath of his new friends. Talk about a welcome.
Eric struggles with pretending to be good, especially when his friends begin to believe his act. But when Eric discovers the ruler of the Spirit World, Acelin, is planning to instigate a war between Hell and Heaven he has more problems than his acting skills. When Acelin stops the war, she'll gain the trust of Heaven and punish Hell as she sees fit. The problem? She wants Eric to do her dirty work.
Now, caught between his new friends and the dark promises of Acelin, Eric is forced to make the decision that could destroy everything. But does he want to be evil, or good?
BEING EVIL is a YA fiction novel, complete at blah blah words.
{contact info}
Thank you for your time and consideration
From, Me
You see? It wasn't absolutely horrible, and it peaks some interest, but it needs a little more meat. Unfortunately my next try gave meat, seasoning, salad, and potatoes all mashed together in a confusing redundant mess.
Eric Vilanova is evil. And, truthfully, he likes it that way. But when his Sorter Lari places him in Heaven and his Patron Julia tells him he’s going to live in a fern, he’s begging for Hell.
After his ingenious plan to get kicked out goes wrong, he meets with the ruler of the Spirit World, Acelin. He’s even more confused when Lari and Julia seem to not only hate her, but are afraid of her. They warn him that he has to at least pretend to be good, or else they’ll be put in Hell as well.
Eric struggles with pretending to be good, especially when his friends begin to believe his act. Especially when he begins to believe it. But he has more problems than his acting skills, when he discovers the ruler of the Spirit World, Acelin, is planning to instigate a war between Heaven and Hell. When Acelin stops the war, she'll gain the trust of Heaven and punish Hell as she sees fit. The problem? She wants Eric to do her dirty work, so she keeps her hands clean.
Now, caught between his new friends and the dark promises of Acelin, Eric is forced to make the decision that could destroy everything. But does he want to be good or evil?
I really just slammed revisions into my old query and hoped they stuck. I added things that could've been said better, and didn't really need to be said at all. But I thought they were vitally important. Plus, it had mistakes.
This is my latest try and it, also, is destined to be eaten and spit back up in a sobbing broken mess. But I think it's getting somewhere. Because I'm finally seeing that I don't need an info dump, but a little information here and there won't hurt.
When Eric Vilanova dies and ends up in Heaven, there’s only one thing on his mind; how to get out. But his ‘ingenious’ plan only lands him with a meeting with the ruler of the Afterlife; Acelin. To his surprise, Acelin is fooled by his fake files, and lets him go. Which only makes Eric wonder why the files of his life were tampered with- and why his new friends are so keen on kicking the new ruler off the throne?
Eric agrees to take part in the conspiracy. Unfortunately, his main role in the plan is to pretend to be as good as his file suggests, which doesn’t come easy. Wandering around one night, he discovers Acelin’s plan to get support from Heaven. She will start a war between Heaven and Hell. When all seems lost she will come to the rescue, gaining trust and securing her power. She wants Eric to help, but first, he must kill one of his friends.
Suddenly, Eric doesn’t know what he wants. He doesn’t want to help Acelin, but this is a one way ticket out of a place he hates. He does hate it…right?
Slightly better, not quite right, but I'm on track. Which, frankly, makes me slightly happier.
Feel free to chew it to bits (erm...critique it.) Here. (You do need an Absolute Write account, although I think most of the people who read this have one already.)
-Jessie
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