So towards the end of MarNoWriMo, I kind of quit and just stopped trying. I stopped editing and pretty much all editing processes. I stopped caring. I just gave up and moved onto my next book. While I'm super excited about that book, and wrote chapter one today, I can't help but feel guilty.
I do not like giving up, despite some of the things I post here. I probably seem pretty "give-up" friendly. But I really don't like it. Stopping the edits on Being Evil...it makes me feel like I failed. But the edits I was doing didn't seem like they were doing anything. They seemed kind of useless. I was letting the depression type stuff leak in and was ignoring the voice saying shut up and just power through it. So when I gave up, I started looking for another project to work on. I started working on my graphic novel idea I've had forever but that kind of fell through. Finally I changed some things slightly with Just Add Water and Bam! My muse was back, giving me great ideas and getting me super excited about the book. I showed it to my Pre-Beta friend (remember her?) and now she's obsessing over those characters too. It makes me feel great because the last few ideas I pitched her she seemed kind of meh about. But these characters she loves, especially two of them (She always did like the romance-y stuff).
So where do I stand? I'm a little sad about abandoning BE. I have hopes it will come back. i miss those characters already, even before I let them go completely. But I'll visit them again, and maybe they'll have a sequel to tell me about. Meanwhile I'm going to focus on fleshing out my current book. I'm determined to make it novel-length this time!
-Jessie.
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